


i miss the way that you saw me or maybe the way i saw myself

by JustSaph



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-01 11:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16763842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustSaph/pseuds/JustSaph
Summary: Catra’s eyes widened in shock, a small gasp escaping her mouth. Adora looked over, finally noticing her presence in the door from where she was pinning Glimmer to the floor.“Catra, what’s going on?” Adora’s expression had turned panicked. “Why is there a princess in here, is there an invasion?”---Canon divergence au shadow weaver succeeds in mind wiping Adora. Title from who do you love - mariana's trench





	1. Chapter One

“Seriously? after everything I’ve done for you it’s still her you want?” Catra asked in disbelief. Adora returned unwillingly and she was already being tossed aside for her again, back to being second best again. 

“I said, go!” Shadow Weaver yelled, sending her out of the room and leaving no room for further argument. 

Catra chanced one last look back at the chamber and instantly regretted it. Adora’s pleading eyes burned into her. It took all of Catra’s will power to turn away and let the door slam shut behind her. What could she have done to help Adora anyways? She was second best to Adora afterall. That’s what everyone had always said, nevermind any of her accomplishments.

Catra wanted nothing more than to prove that she was stronger than Adora ever had been. She was stronger than Shadow Weaver thought she was. She was someone that was worthy of being a force captain and maybe even more. 

‘Are you really stronger than Adora?’ A voice in her head said to her. ‘If you were, you would be easily able to help her out of her situation. You could help her.’ Catra slowly stopped walking, coming to a standstill in the middle of the hallway. ‘Help her.’ She clenched her hand tightly. 

“She left me!” Catra cried out, slamming her hand into the nearby wall, her claws cutting into the metal. She hit the wall over and over until her hands hurt. Surprisingly, nobody had bothered her with the noise she was making. She felt the tears rolling down her face before she even realized she had been crying. Several deep breaths later, she felt more clear-headed. 

Adora had left her behind. If she was truly better than Adora, she couldn’t do the same to her. 

Catra took a moment to collect herself, wiping the tears off face before turning around to make her way back to the chamber. She couldn’t just walk back into the room and directly confront Shadow Weaver, that was completely out of the question. She fancied her chances of beating her in a fight, but such a betrayal would surely not be tolerated by the Horde. She had to try to convince Shadow Weaver that it was best to let Adora go

She reached the door to the chamber. It was hard to remember if there was another way in, there had to be one somewhere she was certain, but at the moment she was wasting too much time already. The direct approach would have to be the best one this time.

Thankfully, the door opened for her on the first try, but she was by no means prepared for what was happening on the other side. 

Shadow Weaver was collapsed on the floor decidedly unconscious at best. While Adora’s friend Glimmer was by her side, fumbling with the restraints. 

“Adora, are you okay? Do you know who I am?”

Adora looked like she was in a daze. Her eyes looking around the room taking in her surroundings, pausing on Shadow Weaver’s body splayed across the floor. She brought her eyes back to Glimmer. 

“It’s me, Glimmer,” she murmured. Something was wrong. Adora broke into a smile. 

“Glimmer,” she said. Glimmer broke into tears as she went to hug Adora. That was when Adora struck, pushing herself off of the table and wrapping her hand around Glimmer’s back and slamming her into the ground forcefully. Catra could see by Glimmer’s face that she had been taken completely by surprise. 

Catra’s eyes widened in shock, a small gasp escaping her mouth. Adora looked over, finally noticing her presence in the door from where she was pinning Glimmer to the floor. Catra could see by Glimmer’s face that she had been taken completely by surprise. 

“Catra, what’s going on?” Adora’s expression had turned panicked. “Why is there a princess in here, is there an invasion?”

Before Catra could respond, Shadow Weaver rose up from the ground and drew their attention. 

“Thank you for your assistance, Force Captain,” Shadow Weaver said, addressing Adora and gesturing beneath her, “This princess here, is the daughter of the Queen of Brightmoon.”

“How did…” 

“Captured her wandering around The Fright Zone, likely acting as a spy for the rebellion,” she said, turning to face Catra. “Isn’t that right, Catra?”

Shadow Weaver seemed to be daring her to say otherwise. Catra gulped, casting her eyes downward, trying to avoid looking at Adora as she nodded in affirmation. 

“Adora! Please, don’t do this, don’t forget-”

“Silence!” Shadow Weaver roared, pulling Adora off of Glimmer, before sending her magic coursing into Glimmer causing her to shriek. “Adora. This upstart has already infected you with her magic once. Do not let your guard down around her again, she is much more powerful than she might appear.” 

Adora glanced back at Glimmer again, looking much more wary of her presence.

“I would also advise you to stay out of the chamber in the future Adora,” Shadow Weaver continued, “I suspect you may be particularly vulnerable to her magic after the first incident.” 

“Yes, Shadow Weaver,” Adora responded immediately. 

“Adora, you may go. Catra, stay.” 

Adora gave Catra a worried look, asking with her eyes if she needed help. Catra shook her head slightly. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be getting away without another talk from Shadow Weaver. 

The door to the room slammed shut again after Adora had left the room. The only sound in the room was the buzzing of magic coursing through Glimmer’s restraints. Catra shuffled her feet, crossing her arms. 

“Now that Adora’s back I suppose you still need to be kept around after all,” Shadow Weaver mused. Catra scowled but didn’t dignify her with a response. “I hope you understand that you are not to talk to Adora about her time with the rebellion.” Shadow Weaver’s voice sank into her like ice. 

“You mean when Glimmer here used her mind control magic on Adora?” Catra rolled her eyes. She wasn’t prepared for the shock that Shadow Weaver sent through her as she cried out in pain. 

“Adora, is not to hear any of your nonsense. There will be nothing said about princesses. There will be nothing said about She-ra. Do you understand me?” Catra scowled and nodded. “Good, now get out of my sight.”

Catra took one last look at the imprisoned princess before exiting. It was a shame that had to happen to one of Adora’s friends. If she could remember them she would surely be heartbroken that she’d failed to protect them. Adora had always been in favor of protecting people and not senseless violence, that was something that had never changed. 

The halls were somewhat busy now, leaving Catra wondering what happened to the rest of the people that Adora had come with, as it seemed as if the immediate threat had passed. Did they really leave without Adora and their target? Catra didn’t believe for a second that they wouldn’t be back.

As she made her way back to the barracks, she tried to put these thoughts of her mind. What mattered was that Adora was back. If you had asked her yesterday, she would have said that being Force Captain had become more important than Adora. Now that Adora was back though, it was hard not fall into her orbit again. An Adora who hadn’t traversed into the woods with her and gotten some stupid sword that transformed her into a princess and completely changed her. 

Catra walked through the door into the barracks, seeing Adora back in her bed she couldn’t help but involuntarily smile.

“Hey, Adora.”

When Adora smiled back at her she felt her heart jump. There was no trace of anger in her smile, no magical sword in her hand about to transform her, no hopefulness in her eyes that maybe this time Catra would listen to her and leave the Horde. She was just plain old Adora. Well, as plain as Adora could ever be anyways. 

So why did it feel so wrong? 

Adora continued to talk and Catra nodded along as if she was listening attentively. She had gotten lost watching her a long time ago. Catra eventually let out a yawn stretching her arms out above her. Adora laughed.

“We should probably get some sleep, huh? It’s been a long day, or so I’ve heard.”

Catra quickly agreed and waited for Adora to get under the blanket before curling up on the bottom half of the bed. Soon it was silent except the noise coming from the others in the barracks. She closed her eyes, trying to force herself to fall asleep. 

“Catra?” Adora whispered tentatively. 

“Yeah, Adora?”

“What did they do to me?”

Catra’s eyes shot wide open. She was lucky that she wasn’t facing Adora when she did. This was exactly what Shadow Weaver had warned her not to talk about. She rolled over to face her trying to get herself under control. 

“The princesses?” she asked. Adora seemed to sense her discomfort.

“I think? Unless there’s someone else-”

“No,” Catra cut in hastily. “I don’t know, we just found you acting all weird and things escalated from there.” 

There was a pause.

“Okay,” Adora said quietly, “I trust you.” 

“Night, Adora.” 

“Goodnight.”

Catra never slept worse than she did that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Glimmer it had to be done. I'll make it up to her


	2. Chapter Two

Standing next to Adora in front of the training facility again was a bit of a surreal experience for Catra. It felt like if she just closed her eyes for a moment she could open them again pretend nothing had changed, that Adora had never left. Unfortunately the looks the other cadets kept giving Adora and the way they kept glancing at her out of the corner of their eyes wasn’t helping her maintain that illusion.

Kyle looked nervously over at Adora. Catra cleared her throat slightly, catching his attention and sending him a glare. Adora looked over to her as well before elbowing her gently. 

“Glad to see you’re on time for once,” Adora smirked. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Catra rolled her eyes, “that was one time.” Adora snorted in response.

“One time in the last month, maybe.”

“That’s a pretty good record,” Catra said indignantly.

Adora’s likely incoming sarcastic remark was cut off by the yelling instructor outlining the parameters of the simulation. Catra tuned out most of what the instructor was saying. After tasting missions outside of the Fright Zone this felt like an insult that she was back here again with the other cadets. 

Obviously there was no immediate need for any missions. Adora had been returned, her princess friend had been captured as well. The Queen of Bright Moon was likely to surrender herself now more than ever. The war against the rebellion had to be close to its end. It was understandable that Shadow Weaver didn’t want to risk sending Adora, yet alone Catra, out of Horde territory.

The group entered the training room, holographs flooding their vision. Keeping her eyes on Adora, Catra hung back from the rest of the group. 

If the Horde defeated the rebellion today, Adora would be ecstatic. Was that right? She should have been on the other side, fighting for the Rebellion, fighting against her. Catra watched Adora roll to her right to dodge a blast of energy fired her way, slamming her staff into the legs the droid that had fired it. 

“Those rebels better watch out, huh?” Adora laughed, grinning at Catra.

“Yeah,” Catra agreed half-heartedly. 

It was hard to be mad at someone for leaving if they didn’t know they ever left.

The rest of the simulation passed by uneventfully as they cleared the rest of the obstacles without any difficulty. Catra watched as Shadow Weaver pulled Adora aside after the exercise, presenting her again with her Force Captain badge. Adora looked proud of herself as she clipped the badge. Catra suddenly felt ill. Adora had chosen to align herself against the Horde and this was the result, she knew what she was getting herself into. It was her fault this happened. 

That thought didn’t stop Catra from making her way as fast as possible to the nearest bathroom and dry heaving into a toilet. How was Adora supposed to know that Shadow Weaver had done anything to her? How was anyone supposed to know if they had been brainwashed? The intense feeling of disgust overwhelmed her again. 

It could’ve happened to any of the cadets, Catra would be more surprised if it hadn’t. That was just how life had to be, right? It wasn’t a secret where Shadow Weaver’s expertise lay. Everyone knew how dangerous she could be. Adora had to have known Shadow Weaver wouldn’t fight fair.

Catra took a few deep breaths, having gotten herself slightly under control. She went over to the sink and tried her best to make herself look presentable. The last thing she needed right now was Adora asking more questions. If she pushed her further, she wasn’t sure what her response would be.

It wasn’t long after Catra left the bathroom that she ran into Adora rounding the corner and almost ploughed into her.  
“Hey, I was looking for you,” Adora said ”you ran off so quickly after training.” 

“Yeah sorry about that, wasn’t feeling that well,” Catra deflected. “I see you got your badge back. That’s good, right?”

“Yeah,” Adora said pensively. “But...”

“But?”

“I can’t remember how I lost it in the first place,” she said, frowning.

Oh, right. Catra wasn't doing a very good job of keeping Adora away from potentially dangerous topics. “Must have lost it in the forest,” Catra shrugged.

“Why were we there?” She murmured.

“What's the last thing you remember?”

“Receiving the promotion after training,” Adora said, before pausing for a few seconds. “Did we steal a skiff?” 

“For the record, that was your idea not mine,” Catra interjected.

“And we drove it into the Whispering Woods?” Adora continued. Catra nodded. “Is that where…”

“The princesses got to you?” Catra supplied. “It's possible. You fell off of the ship as we were fighting over the controls, which by the way, I am definitely a better driver of.” Adora chuckled slightly in response but Catra could tell she wanted her to continue. “Anyways,” Catra relented, “After you fell it took me awhile to find you before returning to the Fright Zone, and you were acting pretty weird.” 

“Weird? How so?” Adora pressed. Weird, as in you were obsessed with a vision of a sword that transforms you into an 8 foot tall woman with the destructive power of an army. 

“I dunno, just different I guess,” Catra said, scratching the back of her head with one hand. She was finding it increasingly hard to stay relaxed around Adora. Adora stared back at her seemingly searching her eyes.

If you had asked Catra a year ago if she would ever lie to Adora about something this important she would have refused vehemently. Now, she was lying to her every minute she was allowed to be in her presence. 

“Hey, just try to look at the bright side of things,” Catra said, trying to seem enthusiastic. Adora rolled her eyes but relented, smiling slightly. “Since they made their attempt to mess with you, the rebellion is on its last legs.” She wrapped an arm around Adora's shoulders.“Only a matter of time and we can do whatever we want, right?”

“Yeah,” Adora said quietly, “I guess I hadn't thought about that much yet. This is what we trained our whole lives for, I haven't really thought much about what comes after.” Catra moved in front of Adora placing both of her hands on Adora's shoulders and looking her in the eyes.

“Anything can happen after, Adora.” You could leave me again. “It's going to be up to us to figure out.” It's up to me to lie to you to keep everything from falling apart again. “Just stick it out a bit longer we'll be the ones calling the shots.” I can't lose you a second time.

“Okay.” Catra let her hands drop from Adora's shoulders, trying to keep a smile on her face. Adora still held a pensive look on her face. “After all of this is over, I want to find out what happened in the woods.” 

“I don't think there's that much to find out,” Catra shrugged. “It’s not like there’s going to be much evidence left from princesses messing with your brain with mag- why are you looking at me like you’re still thinking about going?”

“I just get the feeling something important happened in there,” Adora frowned. 

“It can wait though, right?” Adora hesitated, processing Catra’s question.

“It can wait.” Catra let out the breath she had been holding in with a sigh of relief. 

Adora couldn’t leave her again if there was no rebellion to leave to. Catra had no doubt that she would find out what had actually happened to her from someone. Too many people knew about She-ra to keep it a secret from her forever. All Catra had to do was keep it from her for a little longer and maybe she would stay if there was nowhere else to go. 

That ridiculous thought almost sent Catra into a fit of laughter, but Adora would think she’d gone insane. Maybe Adora was always destined to leave her behind. Was it really such a terrible thing to hold onto her for as long as she could?

With the way Adora looked at her as they walked down the hall together, she felt for a moment that she could fake her way through her troubles and ignore her growing feelings of self-contempt. All it took was one look at Adora’s badge before it all crashed down again. She could only lie to her so much.

There was no way of telling if telling Adora would even fix anything, Catra rationalized. The only thing that would be guaranteed from that would be Shadow Weaver or even Hordak finding out. Things would be different if Catra could find someone who knew more about Shadow Weaver’s magic, someone who might know how to restore Adora’s memories. For instance, someone like the princess that was currently imprisoned in Shadow Weaver’s chamber.

Catra kept up idle conversation with Adora as they kept walking. As Catra mulled over her thoughts, she thought she caught a glimpse of a moving shadow out of the corner of her eye. She ignored it as best she could and kept her pace steady with Adora’s. Her thoughts were just thoughts after all, and there was no harm in thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to start off by saying thanks to everyone for the feedback/support on the first chapter I appreciate it a lot. I also want to thank all of the people who commented on the chapter, wasn't really used to more than a few comments. I enjoyed reading each one but I kept on procrastinating replies and then eventually it felt awkward to reply with how much time passed? I'll do better this time hopefully. 
> 
> Lastly I know this chapter was definitely shorter than I and others probably wanted it to be but schools getting a little busy with the end of term knocking at the door, there's a lot I have to get done still unfortunately. I wanted to get this one out sooner rather than later because it's going to be a while before I have more time to write. I've been trying writing on the bus between class and dorms on mobile and honestly that worked pretty well to at least get something down to get myself to keep writing, so if that goes well enough I might have something done in a timely fashion.
> 
> Thanks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> send me catradora @justsapph
> 
> im serious its like quicksand there's too much at once its hard to see it all


End file.
